The Golden Beetle Staff
Editor in Chief - Devrim Eran
News - Arnie Hamcheck
Sports - Karson "Crash" Bennet
Entertainment - Cassie Plunt
Gossip - Lora Leal
Holo-Listings - Eddie B
Crossword - Skyler Zeal
A Credit a Day, Keeps the Health Dept Away
By Arnie Hamcheck
Many frequenters of lower level establishments may have been met with an unusual sight in those parts as of late; a sign on the door declaring it closed due to failed Health and Wellness Department inspections.
This organization isn’t unknown on the pleasure based Smuggler’s moon and patrons are welcome to seek out the bi-monthly report released that lists the grades of local,but those reports most often focus on businesses above a certain level on the high rises that cover the moon. Very rarely does the organization venture into the often smog covered layers to evaluate restaurants and bars that, frankly are not considered tourist grade level and therefore not worth the time and effort. Over the past few weeks that has been changing. Hole in the wall bars, brothels, and cut rate casinos have been closed on various infractions. Sometimes the businesses are able to correct the issue and re-open though a few have been forced into closure such as the Frisky Frigate pleasure house and the small though well loved sandwich shop, The Pickled Pole-Snake.
There are a few rumors floating that the ruling Hutts wish to strengthen their hold on the sector as Sith and Republic based businesses continue to expand in the independent space and are choosing to finance those plans by extorting the true working class of the moon. It does seem that the more independent businesses struggle while the ones that have theorized connections to well connected gangs are able to pay off the Hutt backed Health Department to re-open quickly with little interruption to business.
The Red Lantern, a busy dive bar in the Red Light Sector, was recently closed citing rodent infestation, improper chemical storage, and malfunctioning fire suppression systems. The owner, Jance Fetner was a bit vague in whether those problems were corrected before the business was able to re-open the following week. He was quoted as saying, “That cluster f--- of a department can’t keep their boot on the throat of the little guy!” This was stated as he was serving customers in the newly reopened bar and handing out little rat shaped pins that said ‘I survived the Red Lantern”. There have been rumblings that the bar has recently come under the protection of a growing Corellian gang presence in that sector, but that is as of yet unconfirmed.
In any case, the working class of Nar Shaddaa is once again put at the mercy of those who would seek to make use of them as they please. The changing climate of the world beyond the glittering high rises of Shaddaa will make the near future a bit more uncertain in how the Hutts intend to treat those that keep the smog laden pleasure moon running. If they aren’t careful, their citizens might seek out their own salvation and then where will the rotund ruling class be.
The Pearl Strikes Gold
By Karson "Crash" Bennet
The question of who will take up the golden mantle of the highly successful Golden Mogul has at long last been answered. A new owner has emerged and it’s none other than the general manager at The Velvet Pearl; Roanconn.
This man is no stranger to running a successful business having been at the helm of the widely known fixture of the Shaddaa nightlife scene, The Velvet Pearl and has brought a new life to the establishment with his own twist on events held at the gentleman’s club. He has a personal stake in various businesses as an investor and has down quite well in accumulating experience and wealth along the way. It is not hard to see then why Lord Cadel Korinth chose to close a sale with such an attractive buyer such as that.
Roanconn has said that he intends to carry on in the tradition of the Mogul to date with high production value exhibition games and seasons that feed the fans’ appetites for fast hitting gameplay while in lavish surroundings. Independent Huttball League fans can expect to see some of the teams return, but he hopes to draw in a few newcomers to keep the scene fresh and exciting while still cultivating standing rivalries.
When asked about it, Roanconn was quoted as saying, “The Golden Mogul caught my attention right from the first moment I was introduced to it. I loved the concept and idea behind it. Mr. Korinth and The Velvet Pearl developed a close working partnership that proved beneficial for both organizations every step of the way. It was therefore shocking when it became known to me that Mr. Korinth was seeking to sell the successful business and I was understandably flattered when I was approached to possibly purchase it. It did not take long to make the choice to step in as the new owner as such I plan to continue the good traditions laid out by Mr. Korinth and his high quality staff. I aim to provide opportunities for up and coming athletes while maintaining and exciting sport for our fans to enjoy. There other smaller projects in works, but you'll have to wait for a proper announcement once we'll be ready."
Rumor has it that one of these new projects will be a glossy, new fight night to grace the high roller scene. As with all other things Golden Mogul, this will be a well thought out, crafted evening meant to excite and delight those in attendance. While there are plenty of dark corners of Shaddaa to scope out fighter talent, a recent brewing off world of an underground fight scene has been garnering attention and could well act as a talent pipeline for those seeking a spot in these sure to be well paid fight nights with big prizes. Word of advice, if you wanna hit a few thugs on the big stage, find a good, but gritty arena to get your practice fights in as well as hopefully get scoped by the scouts Roanconn will surely be sending out to watch the smaller scale settings.
Get ready, sports fans! Shaddaa Huttball is back!
Charity Isn't Dead, She's on Shaddaa
By Cassie Plunt
If there is anything Shaddaa does right, it’s a party. You don’t have to tell us moon dwellers how to get a crowd out and having a good time. It’s what we do. The recent charity concert organized by Open Path held on the promenade was no exception, drawing in a big group of spectators who partied long into the night. That isn’t such a news story, but having a party for the express purpose is a little out of the ordinary for these parts and especially when that charitable act is sanctioned by the big guys who get to tell us all what to do. It raised a few eyebrows,, including the perfectly plucked arches of this music enthusiast, but hey, I won’t knock ‘em for trying to turn over a new fat roll!
The lineup for the show was killer! We were treated to the local talent Ace who can be seen slinging drinks in short shorts behind the bar at the Red Lantern (seriously, those legs) with his impeccable fashion sense. There is no denying this guy’s showmanship! Hairflips, batting lashes, and winks were not in short supply as he strutted across the stage while belting out his upbeat pop tunes that were a great opener to the night.
Zane, the well known EDM artist was there to heat up the dancefloor with his sick beats. His mixes had people abandoning any feelings of self consciousness to throw themselves into the music on the dancefloor. His current album is still on the Shadaa top ten EDM list and has him making appearances in clubs all over the moon. With the ever present straw in his mouth, he worked the decks with the ease and skill he’s come to be known for while still keeping the crowd worked up into a high energy frenzy.
The night closed out with local drag queen Lardi B! Spec-tac-u-lar! Pink hair was on point as you would expect from such a dynamic performer and paired with a red corset along with booty shorts then thigh high boots, she was irresistible! There were definite Kashara vibes and if you don’t know who that is, then educate yourselves, children! For real though, a dynamite local drag queen who even judged a dance competition at the Pearl years ago and is Miss Lardi B’s drag mother. She was charming as ever and serenaded us with tunes such as “They Like That I’m Fat” and “Thicky Thigh Day” by Thicki Thinaj. Sadly DJ Feminem was going to grace the stage in booty shorts and roller skates I hear, but had to drop out at the last minute. While I was really looking forward to that, we were treated to a great big stage of all the Lardi B we could want which, let’s face it, is never enough!
It was an absolute success to say the least! Still, it is hard to ignore the fact that a heavily Jedi associated organization was permitted to host a charity event in a public space on the Hutt controlled moon. Open Path is rumored to have approached the Hutts with the request and while they did benefit in the end, some have suggested the bulk of the funds collected ended up in the coffers of the Hutts themselves. It sends a strong message which is, “You can do business here, but don’t forget who lets you”.
If I gotta cough up a few credits for a great cause in order to see such great line ups then count me in! Let’s make this feel good movement a thing and keep it going with more parties for good causes.
High Rise Chatter
By Lora Leal
A little Haali bird or two has been singing in my ear about a recent happening off the Smuggler’s Moon, but with a cast of some of our regulars, dear readers.
That rumored playboy of Shaddaa of old, Kraethas Nova was seen in attendance apparently and though he may not be warming is favorite section of the bar at the Velvet Pearl as much these days, he’s still a recognizable face. (Though word has it the symmetry is a little off these days). Another sometimes fixture of the Velvet Pearl was seen poking about as well. That dashing rapscallion known as Shanks who, rumor has it, hauled a monkey lizard into the Red Lantern recently only to be asked to remove the creature after it terrorized fellow patrons.
I have it on good authority that no fights broke out during the proceedings of an auction that was hosted in a place a bit shrouded in shadow and mystery which says something for what is surely some nitty gritty security lads keeping a keen eye on the riff raff.
The only real disturbance I’m told involved a one-legged, blonde Corellian with a beard who had a drink spilled on him for a restroom related incident that may or may not have included poking a white-haired woman with a cane.
Lots of items graced the auction block ranging from droids, military grade armaments, and survey probes, but the most notable was perhaps a blind Togruta fighter who is said to be slated for exhibition in a forming fighting ring that will be featured at this underground hotspot.
Long story short, my darlings. Get yourself someone in the know and head out into locations unknown to rub elbows with the smuggling elite who thread their way through Nar Shaddaa society.
by Eddie B
This week’s spotlight Holo-Broadcast listings with Eddie B...
Rough Road, Rougher Skies: 4
In this beloved, long running action film franchise, we follow the protagonist Kane Maddox on another adventure filled with blaster fights, swoop chases, and plenty of grit. In this installment, Kane comes across a shadowy figure from his past who has news for him regarding his long lost love, Azalea. He must unravel the mystery and sort fact from fiction as he defends his turf from rival gangs.
Flowers in the Stars
Written and directed by the successful artist Xenthia. This is her first foray into film making and it might show. While the dialogue is often lacking, meaning there just isn’t much, the characters manage to somehow remain charming in this retro romp. Ernst and Belinda met years ago by chance at an art auction by bidding on the same piece and over the years lost touch. They once again meet at an auction, this time for Belinda’s late husband’s estate sale. This is definitely an art house film, but has a few elements that could draw in the more layman movie goer. If you don’t mind long stretches of people staring at nothing and saying even less.
This week on the highly rated Shaddaa cooking program, the theme will be desserts! Jack, as you know, is the pet monkey lizard of local celebrity chef Sparks Johnson and does the majority of ingredient mixing on this fast paced show. While Sparks does impart useful culinary tips and tricks, it’s mostly a show about watching a questionably sane creature run around a kitchen for an hour creating food based abominations that are then fed to the studio audience. Parental discretion is advised.
The Bachelor: Shaddaa Edition
If someone hasn’t heard of this franchise then they are dead or a poorly programed droid or a dead poorly programmed droid. It has been around forever and bears witness to the desperation of those in the dating scene trying to find long term love or at least someone to split rent with who isn’t a dumpster fire to take home for family holidays. The added twist this cycle is that two prospects are given roses then dropped into a fight pit to thrash around until someone emerges still conscious. The contestants can accumulate various advantages over the week by taking part in mini-games that degrade and rob individuals of whatever dignity they might have left after the audition for the show.
The Golden Word
By Skyler Zeal
Be the first to turn in a completed crossword and get a prize!
Mail entries to the contact holo-mail for The Golden Beetle, attn: Skyler Zeal
Imposter scents of all your favorite designer scents!
These are high quality and produced locally.
They range from 10 to 100 credits a bottle.
Slight discoloration at the application site is
normal and should dissipate after two weeks
of steady use.
Contact Sniff U Later Scents
IN SEARCH OF
Looking for local talent for an indie movie!
Please come to the audition with a
current headshot and resume.
Must be comfortable with hanging upside down
for long periods and pasta.
BECKY! WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?
IT WILL BE RAD.
GONNA RENT A LIMO.
Contact The Niffer
Quiet, bookish type in search of the
RotWORM fan of her dreams. Must like puns.
They aren’t mine, I just collect.
Must be able to haul away.
Anyone with news, gossip, or classifieds they wish to submit may contact the paper
(Enjin: Ruchira Letane)